Here on this page I will post some funny jokes every day. But don’t be disappointed if I miss a day because I also have a life.
4/7/09- Q. What does a bee use to brush its hair?
A. A honeycomb
4/6/09- Q. What do pigs put on sore toes?
A. Oikment
4/5/09- Q. Why did the cookie go to see the doctor?
A. He was feeling a bit crummy.
4/4/09- Q. Why does it get hot after a baseball game?
A. Because all the fans have left.
4/3/09- Q. Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
A. He wanted to see what High School was like.
4/2/09- Q. Why did the chicken cross the park?
A. To get to the other slide
4/1/09- Q. What do you get when you cross a snake with a kangaroo?
A. Jump Rope
3/31/09- Q. What do you call a fairy that doesn’t take a bath?
A. Stinkerbell
3/30/09- Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine.
3/29/09- Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.
3/28/09- Q. What do you have if you have 100 rabits and 99 step back?
A. A receding hare line.
3/27/09- Q. Why do cows use the doorbell?
A. Because their horns don’t work.
3/26/09- Q. Why did the skelecton play the piano?
A. He didn’t have any organs
3/25/09- Q. Why did the man destroy his piano?
A. He was looking for his keys
3/24/09- Q. What do you get when you cross a telephone with a very big football player?
A. A wide reciever
3/23/09- Q. What did one toilet say to the other?
A. You seem a bit flushed.
3/22/09- Q. What vegetable do you get when King Kong walks thhrough your garden?
A. Squash
3/21/09- Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A. A cloud
3/20/09- Q. What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wir fence?
A. An udder catastrophe
3/19/09- Q. What do birds need when they are sick?
A. A tweetment
3/18/09- Q. What did one plate say to the other?
A. “Lunch is on me!”
3/17/09- Q. What is black and white and sleeps all over?
A. A snoozepaper
3/16/09- Q. Why is a cat in a desert like Christmas?
A. Because of its sandy claws
3/15/09- Q. What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A. A milkshake.
3/14/09- Q. Why didn’t the skelecton go to the ball?
A. Because he had no body to go with.
3/13/09- Q. Where do cows go to have fun?
A. To the mooovies!
3/12/09- Q. What has four legs one head but only one foot?
A. A bed
3/11/09- Q. If you peel my skin off, I won’t cry, but you will. What am I?
A. An onion.
3/10/09- Q. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
A. They don’t have the guts.
3/9/09- Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.
3/8/09- Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
3/7/09- Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
3/6/09- Q. Where do snowmen keep thier money.
A. In snow banks.
3/5/09- Q. Where do polar bears vote.
A. At the North Pole.
3/4/09- Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. cell phones
3/3/09- Q. What do you get when you cross a vamire with a snowman?
A. Frostbite
3/2/09- Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash.
3/1/09- Q. Can you answer this?
If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctor
2/27/09- Q. What did one eye say to the other?
A. “Between you and me, something smells!” (your nose)
2/27/09- Q. Why did the boy throw his toast out the window?
A. He wanted to see the butter fly
2/26/09- Q. Did you hear the joke about the very high wall?
A. I better not you will never be able to get over it.
2/25/09- Q. What did the picture say to the other picture?
A. I heard you got framed.
2/24/09- Q. Why did the students eat all their homework?
A. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
2/23/09- Q. How do you stop the rhino from charging?
A. Take away its credit card
2/22/09- Q. Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
A. He’s al-right now
2/21/09- Q. A man shaves at least 3 times a week, yet he still has the longest beard in town, how is that possible?
A. He’s a Barber.
2/20/09- Q. What do you get when you cross a highway with a bicycle?
A. Run Over!
2/19/09- Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A. In case he got a hole in one.
2/18/09- Q. What kind of keys do kids like to carry?
A. Cook – kies
2/17/09- Q. What is a little dog’s favorite drink?
A. Pupsi – cola
2/16/09- Q. What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?
A. French Flies
2/15/09- Q. What kind of snacks do little monkeys have with their millk?
A. Chocolate chimp cookies
(Valentine’s Day)2/14/09- Q. What did one light bulb say to the other?
A. I love you a watt
2/13/09- Q. What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A. Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out.
2/12/09- Q. What did the sea say to the sand?
A. Nothing, it just waved
2/11/09- Q. How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?
A. Your nose will bump into the ceiling
2/10/09- Q. Why do candle trimmers work so few days a week?
A. Because they only work on wick – ends
2/9/09- Q. What gets wet the more you dry?
A. A towel
2/8/09- Q. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. To prove he wasn’t chicken
2/7/09- Q. What did one volano say to the other?
A. I lava you.
2/6/09- Q. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A. It was stuck to the leg of a chicken
2/5/09- Q. What gets bigger the more you take away?
A. A hole
2/4/09- Q. What is the time of the day with the slowest traffic?
A. rush hour
2/3/09- Q. Wht don’t canninbals eat clowns?
A. because they taste funny
(Groundhog’s Day)2/2/09- Q. What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?
A. We’ll have six more weeks of splinters.
2/1/09- Q. What’s the quietest sport?
A. Bowling’ because you can hear a pin drop.
1/31/09- This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they’ll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn’t so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars.
He’s terrified and starts screaming, “Help, Help, Help!” The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, “Shut up or we’ll BOTH lose our jobs!”
1/30/09- Q. What building has the most stories?
A. the library
1/29/09- Q. Who do police not have to say, “You have the right to remain silence,” to?
A. Mimes
1/28/09- Q. What symbol is used to represent signs that say “Slow Children”?
A. a picture of a running child
1/27/09- If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
1/26/09- Q. What do you call a foot stool used by a toad?
A. a toadstool
1/25/09- Q. Since blind people wear dark glasses, what should deaf people where?
A. earmuffs
1/24/09- Q. How did George Washington shpw his ID?
A. With a quater
1/23/09- Q. How do stars clean themselves?
A. With meteor showers.
1/22/09- Q. Where did Noha keep his bees?
A. An ArcHive
1/21/09- Q. Where can you buy a chess set?
A. a pawn – shop
1/20/09- Q. What is the third hand on a watch called?
A. The second hand
1/19/09- Q. What did the boy say when he laid in bed looking at the stars?
A. “Where the heck is the roof?”
1/18/09- Q. What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
A. An in-car-nation.
1/17/09- Q.What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A. A pink car-nation.
1/16/09- If the shoe fits
. . . . . .get another one just like it.
1/15/09- You can’t have everything
. . . . . where would you put it?
1/14/09- Q. What clothes does a house wear?
A. Address.
1/13/09- Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
A. Big holes all over Australia!
1/12/09- Q. What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A. A brick layer!
1/11/09- Q. What happens when frogs park illegally?
A. They get toad.
1/10/09- Q. How do you prevent a Summer cold?
A. Catch it in the Winter!
1/9/09- Q. How does a pig go to hospital?
A. In a hambulance.
1/8/09- Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. A pork chop.
1/7/09- Q. What did Delaware?
A. Her New Jersey.
1/6/09- Q. Why did the doughnut shop close?
A. The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
1/5/09- Q. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
A. She couldn’t control her pupils.
1/4/09- Q. How do you know when you’re over-the-hill?
A. When you’re to tired to climb one.
1/3/09- Everyone has a photographic memory.
. . . Some just don’t have film.
1/2/09- Q. What did the mechanic do when he could not repair the brakes?
A. Make the horn louder.
(Happy New Year)1/1/09- Q. Why would Eric say “See you next year,” to Joe when he knew he was seeing Joe tomorrow?
A. It was December 31
12/31/08- Q. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A. She ran away from the ball.
12/30/08- Q. Where do fortune tellers dance?
A. At the crystal ball.
12/29/08- Q. What’s round and bad-tempered?
A. A vicious circle.
12/28/08- Q. What’s gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?
A. The Presidential Seal.
12/27/08- Q. What did the rug say to the floor?
A. Don’t move, I’ve got you covered.
12/26/08- Q. What did the necktie say to the hat?
A. You go on ahead. I’ll hang around for a while.
(Frank ‘N Festive Christmas)12/25/08- Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can hoe hoe hoe.
(Frank ‘N Festive Christmas)12/24/08- Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic
(Frank ‘N Festive Christmas)12/23/08- Q. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A. He has low elf esteem
(Frank ‘N Festive Christmas)12/22/08- Q. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
A. Crisp Cringle
(Frank ‘N Festive Christmas)12/21/08- Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes
12/20/08- Q. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
A. It’s time to go to sweep.
12/19/08- Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
A. Matt
12/18/08- Q. What did Tennessee?
A. The same thing Arkansas.
12/17/08- Q. What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?
A. Deviled eggs.
12/16/08- Q. What did one magnet say to the other?
A. I find you very attractive.
12/15/08- Q. What kind of cats like to go bowling?
A. Alley cats.
12/14/08- Q. What did one elevator say to the other?
A. I think I’m coming down with something!
12/13/08- Q. What do you call a woman with one leg?
A. Ilene
12/12/08- Q. What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?
A. Sleep somewhere else.
12/11/08- Q. What is a tree’s favorite drink?
A. Root beer.
12/10/08- Q. What can you hold without ever touching it?
A. A conversation.
12/9/08- Q. What bone will a dog never eat?
A. A trombone.
12/8/08- Q. What bird can lift the most?
A. A crane.
12/7/08- Q. If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?
A. Silverware.
12/6/08- Q. What has 6 eyes but can’t see?
A. 3 blind mice.
12/5/08- Q. What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A. A piano.
12/4/08- Q. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A. A rash of good luck.
12/3/08- Q. What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?
A. Wet feet.
12/2/08- Q. How do you make an egg laugh?
A. Tell it a yolk.
12/1/08- Q. How do you make a hot dog stand?
A. Steal its chair.
11/30/08 – A fool is a 27 story window-washer . . . . . . . who steps back to admire his work.
11/29/08- Q. What country makes you shiver?
A. Chile
11/28/08- Q. Why don’t aliens eat clowns.
A. Because they taste funny.
(Franksgiving)11/27/08- Q. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A. They suspected it of fowl play
(Franksgiving)11/26/08- Q. What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A. The turKEY
(Franksgiving)11/25/08- Q. What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A. Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving
(Franksgiving)11/24/08- Q. Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State building?
A. Yes – a building can’t jump at all
11/23/08- Q. What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?
A. Bugs Bunny
11/22/08- Q. What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
A. Tyrannosaurus wrecks
11/21/08- Q. What do you do when your chair breaks?
A. Call a chairman
11/20/08- Q. What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A. A cartoon
11/19/08- Q. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A. Buy a deck of cards
11/18/08- Knock, knock
Who’s there?
You ever hear the joke about the broken pencil?
You ever hear the joke about the broken pencil who?
Nevermind, it’s pointless.
11/17/08- Q: What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A: Collecting her thoughts
11/16/08- Q: Joe forgot his wedding anniversery so his wife told him there better be a gift in the kitchen next morning. She even said she wants something that goes from 0 – 200 in seconds. What did he get her.
A: a scale
2/28/09- Q. What did one eyes?
These are good jokes!!!!!!